my time in MI

I am at my mom's house in Battle Creek, MI. I have been here for 16 days. I have about 23 more to go. Im in MI for the month of June. Its called Grandmaland, we spontaneously came up early. It may seem strange to be away from home for so long, but I kind of like breaking the mold of the norm... well with what society might say is weird. Don't get me wrong, I MISS my husband dearly, but the kids and I are having such an incredible time here. My mom is getting to know my children so well. I LOVE seeing them reach for her and accept her consoling arms for that devastating moment!

While I am here I am dealing with sad nursing home issues with my dearly beloved Grandma. I have very fond childhood memories with her. I spent a lot of single digit years with her... you know 5-9... I was there before 5 & after 9... but those years we had exceptional amounts of time spent together. Either way she is having a difficult time with her new life adjustment. She is as crabby as can be, and so caught up in her injustice. She has "mean, nasty nurses"... you know, the ones that don't drop everything they are doing to run to her side and give her a drink. Or fluff her pillows, or scratch her back, or cover her feet up.

She won't try to improve her physical state, she is not suffering from a disease or failing organs or memory loss (well sort of) she has osteoporosis, and she had a fall recently and has a compound fracture... she DOES feel pain, but they offer her some pretty strong meds to knock the edge off.  She's in a temporary location getting therapy through medicaid and if she doesn't show signs of improvement they will stop paying for it. And then she will begin to shovel $7000 a month for the exact same amount of care she is getting now.

She is no longer capable of living alone or in assisted living. Her nurses and aids are very friendly and nice... but they do have a lot of people to take of, people without limbs, people that drool and ramble, people that yell loudly at random moments... they have people that NEED their attention too, but because they aren't at my Grandmother's bedside the moment she pushes her red button... they are bad at their job.

The first few days and even weeks I was feeling sorry for her, wanting to fight for her comfort and well being, and I still do, I just see things differently. She is choosing to stay right where she is, its sad to see someone who has live 85 years of life not take responsibility for herself. I don't mean that harshly, I mean that with a sense of pride in her own life. It may not have been perfect nor is it for her right now... but choosing to fight for herself and not give up... She won't do it.

I decorated her room with bright colors and cork boards and dry erase boards, I have gone to see her almost every other night that I have gone twice a day a few times. I see her dwelling on all that's bad, and it makes me want to fight for all that's good in my life.

I sometimes appreciate personality flaws they make you look in the mirror. I love her, but my goodness Lord don't let me give up until the moment I breathe my last breath.  This is weird but I have enjoyed walking through this, its apart of life that I have not had to deal with yet. I still have 4 parents alive and kicking and we (JR & I) will go through this with them in the future. I can at least pull from this season of how to separate emotion from reality. (not that I am expecting any of our parents to do this to us.) We'd take each a one of them into our home for good. That's how much we love them.

I deeply miss my sweet scratchy face husband who is probably more busy this summer session with classes than he was all last semester. I guess I just need to get my mind around the simple fact that each semester is only going to get crazier.

I cant imagine how he is handling being in our wonderful home without all the laughter and crying and crazy meal times... I won't mention post kid bed time... not on here anyway... I mean I have them all with me and they make days FLY by... He is coming up here in a week and I could seriously blink my eyes and I know he will be sitting next me holding me close... I don't know if this week is going to be that fast for him... We are wishing the days to fly by my love. We can't wait for you... grow your arms and lap... we are all jumping in it... in 7 days and counting!