Yawn.

This is what I do ALL the time. It's 3pm on Tuesday afternoon and I am normally napping with the herd. I am shocked to say I pushed through the dreadful two o'clock hour and I am somehow awake. barely... but I am awake.

I have longed to find a moment to write what is going on around here... well really what's going on in me. But it seems as though this season doesn't stop for longings. I am apart of a woman's bible study on Tuesday mornings. Its Beth Moore's Revelation Study. I have LOVED it! I show up with my book empty, homework untouched, normally silent in the midst of a wonderful group of woman sharing their heart. But I show up. I am there, and my heart sometimes feels a bit ashamed for not speaking, or being ready, because being unprepared used to be something rare to me, but every week God continues to say... You are here, its enough to me.

I made the statement in the end of August, I am "boycotting" studies and or any sort of weekly meeting this season. I am not one to have a rebellious heart, and usually LOVE to engage in ANY form of Godly deep relationship. But as of this VERY point in my life, the most Godly depth I can find is in my shower. Alone. I have to fight for solo showers and when I do, Oh bring it Lord! We have a great time there. I am not saying we don't converse all through out the day but I am usually doing two things at once when engaged with Him, but in the shower, standing under the warm water beating down over my usually exceptionally dirty hair, it feels Holy. I feel as though I am being washed on the inside, and even though I can barely get through breakfast each day, He whispers to me, all the reasons why I can make it in His strength. 

Lately I have been challenged to LOVE God in my weakness. To LOVE Him. I mean really love Him... with that love, to let go of the expectations I subconsciously place upon myself, or assume others have, and to love Him, very imperfectly. So in my weakness, I have said "no" or call it "a boycott" to more than I can handle. I will someday get into a grove and blow myself away at my ability to move in the grace of God and not be exhausted by two o'clock. Until then, my yawn will always cause me to whisper the name "Jesus". & when I do I usually feel my heart smile at that moment, because He has given me more than what I think I can handle and that's makes me feel like a very special daughter to my ever loving Lord. So I resigned the entire "NO"... to ALL studies and have found one that is the perfect place for me right now... today in our study we left with this...

The Triumphant Reversal... the Lamb that was slain for us...  becomes our Shepherd. He does become King. His mercy and LOVE is SO intentional and He will return. The depth of my heart wants to grasp this reality. That's my prayer. 

JR & I deeply desire to raise our children in the fear of the Lord. The best way I can do that right now... let my house be messy, take naps with the kids, hold them when they ask, and keep loving the Lord in my weakness. & maybe by the winter of 2012 this will seem like its a breeze! God is so good to give us seasons... because that means change will come! I will not always be in this specific season... and even though it is physically demanding and emotionally draining it too shall pass. & I am sure I will miss it deeply when it does. 

Birthday Secrets!

These two are 2 years olds now. Its been a crazy & fun past couple of years! Over the past few days we have been talking about doing something that will create a fun interesting dynamic within our household over the next 16-18 years.

We have decided to NOT tell these two who was born first. Until either their 18th or 20th birthday... (We've got time to decide!) They were delivered C-section and a minute separates their birth order, according to their birth certificate. To be honest I'd be surprised if an actual minute passed. I'm pretty sure I heard two completely different cries within seconds from each other!

Well we've thought about it a lot lately and decided that this is what we want to do within our family! Now this is where you information knowers come into play... most people who do this type of thing do it out fear or real concern over birth order issues and do not disclose the birth order to anyone. We are NOT making this choice based on fear, we have seen personalities develop already that just make us laugh! We think that it will be interesting to watch them guess and have the patience to grow together not actually knowing what barely separates them! Now we have a lot of family members... Grandparents, cousins and even friends that know which twin is technically older. If you have seen my pacifer pictures or my posts about the which #'s I have with me going here or there.... then you know who it is...

But please respect our wishes and please do not share this info them! I thought Foster knew but he's wasn't sure and I've got him completely uncertain now! This little birthday secret will someday turn into a fun birthday surprise! If you do not agree with our decisions again please respect our wishes and smile & nod. I have some internet clean up to do so they can't trace the evidence! ... but again...  I think I have time before they will be sneaking my computer to find out! Ha!

So here's to our fun journey for the next "umpteen" years as we love these two children into the awesome God loving young adults they will become! Happy Birthday Charlie & Paisley! We love you TOO MUCH!

20 is a popular # in our house.

Betsy Jean Harper is 6 months old today. 

I am head over heels in love with you blue...

You have made our life turn upside down and inside out.

We are going back to the Lord and asking for new insight and wisdom 

because you. Thank you for making this past six months so wonderful.

I'm excited for the next! 

you melt his heart every time he holds you.

You love the moments you get with him.

we sang "happy half birthday" to you with ice cream! You LOVED IT!

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3 out of the 4 kid birthdays all fall on the 20th... they are a month away from TWO!

happy 23 months bebies!

Bug needed a photo with mom... after this one...

with all the 20's. happy 6th and 23rd month to you my sweet loves.

& just for the record... foster's birthday 7/13... it adds up to 20.

told you it was a popular number around here.

& oh one more thing... in our extended family... 

today the 20th was also a big day for the Rice family...

they found out today the twins they are expecting are a BOY & GIRL!

Congrats to Kristi, Alex and big brother Corey! 

We are so excited for you!

We've been busy!

Outdoor play gyms


Backyard dinner time


Good morning playtime


Big brother snuggles


Moments after naps...


These were taking 5 days late... & that was a week ago!








Just because she's ridiculous


She likes this almost as much as her paci!


Girl moment


Charlie & me leaving speech therapy... We love our time together!


********Fun day Friday... ************
"The zoo & golf"

Checking out the tiger!


She's always taking control...





The oldest got to walk to wee tee


The youngest strolled...


The boys had a blast!








Paisley had better things to do!





A week after my gma's funeral, we wore purple thinking of her!


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this week:
Day 1 of potty camp



Day 2 of potty camp





- posted from awsomeness...
My phone ;)

#8... making it memorable.

I am thrilled that today is our anniversary. Its so fun to look back at all we have done over the years. I sort of feel like my gage on time is somewhat off, maybe it has to do with the fact that we've had 4 kids in 4 years... I don't know... it just doesn't seem like 8 years is not long at all! I love where God has taken us... looking back and seeing his hand over our marriage and lives, its amazing to see the Love of God in such a personal way.

So 8 years ago we were waking up this morning and prepping for the big day. I had 11 girls standing by side that day. Slightly excessive but I LOVE relationship and that was me at 21... so I wouldn't change that day... although if I were getting married today I would probably have about 3 people standing with me... not because I don't love those friends to pieces but because I'm older and that means the relationships I do have are less but deeper.

We got ready at the church. Riverside, a big building ornate and beautiful and special to us. We did get together before the ceremony, took a few moments to pray and be alone together, then we went out and took pictures. Fun moments... but when I look at those photos and remember my emotions I think about how how nervous and giddy we both were! So fun to remember... we were such kids!

then 7 years ago... we were in Orlando Florida at a worship conference with MC USA... we got our own room at this hotel and had a good night! Slightly unmemorable because we were immersed as conference volunteers.

6 years ago... we were back In Peoria, hoping God would open the doors to take us to Atlanta, GA to work with Metropolitan Church of God... I can't remember the actual day but I do know we were in Peoria. I was a nervous wreck quite often that year. (thank goodness God can change our heart.)

5 years ago... We were in Atlanta, and after being there a year things at the church were getting unstable... so around our anniversary we moved in with this incredible family (the Thompson family). They were so integral in our mentoring. They lived lives that honored God and knew his word, they were a vision of what we wanted our family and marriage to be like. I thank God for that season all the time!

4 years ago... we went to Johnny's Italian steak house. I was slightly two-timing JR... because I was madly in love with our new amazing baby boy... after praying for him for over 2 years... he was with us.... & we were back in Peoria, IL.

3 years ago... I was walking through a miscarriage that I had taken very hard. It had been 2 mths since the loss. We went to Vegas with some family and it was supposed to be for our 5 year anniversary... it was nice to get away together but I missed our little man & still had some serious emotions to deal with.

2 years ago... oh how the Lord is good... I was expecting the twins. Again... not sure about the exact day... I was huge and perpetually tired. & that's what leads us up to last year.

1 year ago... we decided why wait for a big year to do something memorable? We decided last year, with 3 kids 3 and under and me expecting our big surprise... little miss betsy... & JR working a dead end job... lets change the standard of what our anniversary means to us... We renewed our vows. On our deck with a few close friends & family. We opened up our hearts and committed to each other for what our hope 7 and forever would be. Marriage is so important to us and we want our children to have a huge expectation of what to hope for. To want to wait for God's best... and they will only want that by what they see lived.

Last year was memorable. We plan on doing this each year. Some years may be in front of many, & some in front of a few, but today it will be just us. We will take time to not just talk about the day 8 years ago... but we will look each other in the eyes and commit our hearts again. With words... they according to scripture, have the power of life.

We will breath life into our sacred covenant that God has blessed.  Happy anniversary honey. I love you.

curls...

I am born in the 80's. I love big fun curly hair. I am always fawning over my friends with this type of hair. Well since I was 12 yrs old, I have colored or chemically damaged it way too many times a year. But for the past 4 years I have taken a break for the most part with moments of weakness here and there...

Almost a year ago, In July of 2009 I cut off the last bit of damaged hair. I HAD virgin hair for almost 11 mths exactly! I got a perm 3 years ago and after 4 months of not knowing how to care for it... I was over its frizzy tangly mess. I finally figured out how to deal with curls but it was too late,  I grew it out and committed to never going back (even though I knew in my heart I would probably not live that out... I'd most likely try again someday...)

.... So I googled perm trends in 2010... I got inspired about 10 days ago... my last hair cut was in February when I was 8 mths pregnant, I got it cut in florida on my girls vacation to visit my mom and step sister, I called it my "buccaneer sexy haircut." (another hair story).  I have NEVER been able to go for more than 2 months without a desperate makeover need... but not this year... my hair is healthier and stronger than its ever been!

So tonight I took the plunge I was rolled. I am CURLY... Its sort of wet still so the bigness is not in its fullness... but I'm pretty happy with how it turned out! I can finally live up the wet hair look, when I walk out the door I won't look completely unfinished on every "hairwash day" because let's admit it, how many people have a few designated "hairwash days" a week? That's normal right? Especially for me... its like a serious event in my home when I can take a shower long enough to wash my hair too! Ha!

holding my oldest

I have been amazed at the verbal discussions that Foster and I have had lately. His tone is a mimic of every single person he hears and tv show he watches. I do my best to protect him from what he sees, but sometimes it doesn't matter, because sometimes its my tone and attitude that he mimics flawlessly. How can you not want to change the flaws inside of you when you see a 3 year old pick them up as though they were born with them. For a while I truly believed he possessed the same emotionally intense reaction to things that I did. Then after a great conversation with one of my SIL's I realized that he is mirroring all that is negative in me. I NEED TO CHANGE. Well, add a pregnancy and twin toddling babies to the mix and you forget to work on yourself.

I see my pride rise up when he's not being EVERYTHING I expect of him and I get looks or comments from other adults (extended family). Its true he is off the wall a lot through out the day, and its important that I keep him reigned in to what he can and can't do, but I also don't want to "no" the personality out of him.

Well, I can't say I have answers, I need work... my attitude and pride need to be challenged and changed. I truly pray all through the day that God would lead me in how to parent him, no book or one idea can work, its through seeking God, experience from older moms, and the proverbs that I see how fluid parenting him is. I have to be so willing to refocus... ask God to direct me for this day... sometimes strong discipline is the best thing for him and yet other times he needs me to hold him.

Tonight was one of those nights. Something that we have taught him is that yes means "yes" and no means "no". I told him it was time for bed and to give me a hug and he said he didn't want one (he was upset). I asked him what no meant and he answered no. So I told him ok, well then I love you its time for bed. Then he whiningly said he wanted one, so I asked him again and he said no again... so I made him go to bed without one.

He went to be and cried quietly for a good bit, and I started to imagine how his day went, if I were in his shoes. He got a few spankings, got bit by his sister, was spoke loudly to on a number of occasions (with "no" attached to it). He had a boring hard day. He was in bed, little 3 year old Foster and I made him do it with out a hug.

If it was little girl Alyson I wouldn't have had sound sleep tonight. So I went up there and held him. I ran my fingers through his hair and I held him close. I felt his heart warm up, I felt him forgive me and feel so deeply safe in my arms. I told him I was sorry, and he said "its ok mom it was an accident".

I can barely hold him without him overflowing in my lap. He's only 3. I only have a few years left of consoling him this way. My heart aches thinking about it. I am glad I chose to love him the way he needed tonight. You can discipline without love but you can love without discipline. I ended with love tonight.